I just needed to vent just a little bit. I have spent the last few hours looking up new networking groups/organizations to add some new clients to my business to get it up and running again. Yet as I looked through all the groups within my city and those on the internet and national level my fustration began to really grow and I found myself becoming angry.
Everyone always talks about how the were able to start their business through networking and sharing with other people but has anyone ever stopped and looked at the fees associated with these groups that are set up to help businesses both SMALL and large? I mean really!!!!! I saw one that had membership dues based on how many employees that you had and the lowest one was $249 and that didn't include the one time $25-$30 fee to get you enrolled. Think about that for a second. Let's say that you are starting a business and you have 10 employees and you have only been in business for 3 or 6 months. Now business has been good but most businesses don't turn a major profit within the first year or two but in order to add some new customers you find yourself turning to networking groups. You find two or three that you like and each has fees ranging from $250 to $500. And that isn't counting having to pay at every meeting. These groups are robbing us blind.
There is one group that I really want to join because I have heard such great things about how their networking is really great. Yet it is like $200 application fee and then somewhere around $250 or $270 yearly dues plus you have to pay like $15 dollars for every meeting because they offer breakfast. And to top it off you can only miss like 2 or 3 meetings within the year before your membership is SUSPENDED. Are you kidding me? I didn't pay that much to apply to college and I know that I missed way more than 2 or 3 classes without my teachers telling me I couldn't come back. That is just crazy. Plus I don't think I have ever gone to breakfast and spent $15 on just me. I could take my whole team out for breakfast for that and might actually have some left over depending on where we go.
Maybe I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I should start a networking group and just invite people to join. Because really what are you paying $200 dollars for? To be able to sit around with a group of people that you didn't know that can recommend you to their friends and family. I think I could find people that most didn't know and let them tell each other about their business and then exchange business cards and even with renting a room I still could come out ahead.
Well I just needed to vent and now I feel a little better and can go back to figuring this out. Maybe I could find a nice women's chat club that is free and just take some business cards to them and see what happens.

So as I am sitting here in a still moment where I have time to think and just randomly watching tv while waiting for American Idol (I pomised my cousin) I find myself watching a new show called "Moment of Truth". From what I understand of this show people are attached to a lie detector and then asked horrible and life destroying questions for money. Who does this? Why would you subject your family and friends to this kind of torture? At least with those crazy shows like "Fear Factor" or "Survivor" (neither of which I have ever seen) they are only risking themselves or their own comfort factor, but with this show they are not only answering VERY personal question about themselves and their relationships but they are doing it in front of those family and friends. WHY? How desperately do you need this money? Sure I would love to win $100,000 or $200,000 or $500,000 or more for an hour worth of work; who wouldn’t? But I just couldn’t see hurting my family just for it and that is including the ones that really, really get on my nerves. With all the new reality shows that have taken over the air ways during the recent writers strike are they saying that they couldn’t find another way to win money?
However, I also was struck with another thought as I left it on to see just how far this woman would go; I was helping to keep this show on. I mean think about it. What does it say about our society that a show like this not only makes it on the air but stays on the air? How desesitized is our culture that this is considered entertainment?
Now many I have a different view because I personally think I would be boring on there. It would be like Britney Spears or Whitney Houston or Mother Theresa. Most already know everything or wouldn’t care about the answer because the questions would be so tame. Yet even if I had ex’s that could tell tales or parents that would cry at my past I just think I would have to be suck on stupid or desperate to do this and even then I think I would have to hire people to preteen to be family and friends. Do disregard someone’s feels and trust in me that way I might as well be taking them on Jerry Springer.
This is just something that has disaster all over it and I feel for not only those that created it but those that go on it. Because in the end even if you win the "grand" prize after everything that you have risked, revealed, and lost is it worth it? It’s like the Bible says, "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his own soul".

Lately I have been really missing some people that use to be really big in my life and very discouraged with some of the people that are still in my life but today as I was riding home from a meeting things became really clear to me with four little words "a reason, a season". See one of the people that I have been missing in my life use to use this phrase often. She would always say that God puts people in your life for a reason and a season. Now I had come to the rational that not everyone was suppose to be in your life for all of your life a while ago, but I had not really heard it quite so consise and as I was in my car that really was the only thing going in my mind. Let me explain. I was on the phone with my director (business partner of sorts) and we were talking about a lot of different things that I had on my mind and she was just so encouraging. Now she is always encouraging but I must have really needed it tonight because I found myself just grinning like a complete idiot and not really caring and that was when it that saying found me.
Everyone that is in my life right at this moment has a reason and a season. Maybe the ones that are irritating me are there to show me patience or understanding or something that I haven't found yet. And maybe they are only in my life until I learn that and then they will move on. Yet there are those like my director who I feel are the perfect counterpoint for me that I hope are in my life for the long haul because I learn so much from them just from being around them. Allow me to tell a story. Many years ago when I was working in retail I was sent to a new store about 3 weeks after being promoted to management. I had loved my store and my head manager, but the store that I was going to also had a head manager that I had worked for previously and also liked and respected. I had just gotten a little comfortable with my new store and manager when she decided to step down and a whole new manager stepped in. Along with a new head manager we also go a new assistant manager who had been with the company for a few years in management and recently moved to the area. These two hit it off like gang busters. They were going to happy hour together and talking all the time and they were like best friends and even took one of the part-timers under their wing. Well the next thing I knew I was being written up for some foolishness that didn't even seem like I had done, but there it was. Never really being a quiet person I told her that I only felt that I was being written up because she didn't like me and that in all the years that I had worked for the company I had never even been given a warning. After that things got worse. I even went to our district manager and asked to be moved anywhere but there however it was Christmas and that is just not the time to move in retail. So I decided just to do the job and be ready after the holiday to go somewhere else. Yet as the months went on the head manager and I began to respect each other. I began to be given way more responsiblity and even ended up heading up one of the district divisions which was un-heard of for an assistant manager. Matter of fact by the time that I did end up getting transfered she told me that she had requested that I be allowed to stay because I was one of the best managers that she had ever worked with. I was amazed and then I realized that I felt the same about her. I had learned so much from her just by shutting up and doing my job and watching her do hers. Granted in the beginning I was just watching for her to mess up so that I could report her, but I learn a lot. I even use her as an example of what a head manager should be to this day and she is still the best manager I have ever worked under.
All of that is to say that yes it would be great if we got along with everyone in our lives everyday. And it would also be great if we could keep those that have touched us so much in our lives just a little bit long. But they have served their purpose and must move on to others to help and guide them as well and just as the had a reason and a season for our lives we had one for theirs. We might not ever know what that was but I like to think that those that run across my mind every once in a while are also thinking of me. That like myself they are wishing that we had had more time together, but also understand that it was not meant to be. I also like to think that those who find me confonding are also learning from me as I am from them. That when the reason or season is revealed we will look back with fondness and grace and know that we are better for our time together however short or long it was.

So as I was sitting here printing a hard copy of the songs that I have on my ipod and thinking how convenient it is to have my music, movies, and games all in something that fits almost in the palm of my hand I started to think...."Man, has music changed". I remeber my first personal radio; this was the one that I had begged for over and over again so that I could listen to music in my room. I remember Christmas morning opening the package and just screaming because I finally got the radio of my dreams and this thing was up to date for the times. I mean it had TWO speakers and TWO tape decks and a radio and it's very own album player all in one. Did I mention that I was like seven and it was the mid-80's? Yet that was the JAM at the time. I ran and pulled all of my albums out of my mother's relic of a stereo (complete with 8-track) and ran into my room and started to JAM myself. I had my Run D-M-C, and Big Daddy Kane; I even had a little Aerosmith (don't ask) and I thought I was the S*&%. I was telling everyone about my stereo and how with it I was, but by the time that I reached high school I was begging again for a new system. CD's had taken over and I didn't want to be left behind. However, I wouldn't get my own for another two years, but I once again thought I was the S*$% when I did. Yet now as I think back through the albums and the tapes and the cd's and even the 8-tracks (wasn't alive when they were being made but my family did have a few left when I was growing up) it blows my mind that all of my music fits on this tiny little thing. I still remember boys walking around with boomboxes on their shoulder and break dancing. My first headphone set was probably the size of two ipods put together and this little thing can hold 7,000 songs and movies and games and photos and even webpages (although I haven't gotten that far because REALLY?). And the thing that I think gets me the most is that I don't even have 2,000 songs on mine but there are kids who are still in high school and younger who are stuggling to figure out which to take off because they are out of room! I mean have they even been alive long enough for 7,000 songs to even have been made? But they have them. Now maybe because I am getting older I am more disearning about what I listen to than I use to be, but really who needs to walk around with that many songs at the palm of there hand? It just amazes me and what amazes me more is that in a couple of years we are going to have to update because there will be a even smaller version that can hold even more and will cost considerably more. I think that is the goal here. To always keep us begging for the newest stereo, the biggest sound and the largest library. Still as I look back at my records (oh I still have them; even if not the player) I wonder. Has the quality of the music gone down even as the size has? Have we lost something in what we are listening to and how we are listening? Don't get me wrong; I love my ipod and I take it everywhere with me. But is the sound the same? And will our kids remember what it was like to hold a record or tape or cd in their hands. To know that you only have an hour of good music by one artist and not unlimited hours by any artist you can mix into a playlist or will they one day be writing their own blog on their newer version of what use to be an mp3 player that says "Ipod....I Remember You Well".

So I was watching "Two For The Money" tonight and there was a part that really stood out to me. I don't know if you have seen it but it is the part where Al Pacino is trying to teach Matt McConaughey why you use the F-word. He was explaining how it is one of the best ways to express his fustration and anger and intensity and alot more. This really stayed in my mind because I really didn't get it. I have use the word myself but I'm not proud to say that. It's not something that I walk around saying everyday and to me it shows a touch of ignorance. I know that I will offend alot of people by saying that but to me that is how I feel.
Now get me mad and who knows what might fly out of my mouth; I am just being honest. I don't have a short fuse, but if you get me going look out. Yet to me there just seems like there are so many other ways of expressing how you feel without using a word that when you really think about it; doesn't even relate to the topic of the conversation or arguement.
I wonder who was the first person who decided that this word was the one to use to convey anger or fustration or whatever other emotion it is suppose to express. Did they know that it would take on a life of it's own. Because in this day and age it is used for just about everything not just to express an emotion, but to express just about anything. It has almost become an adjective in its on right if you consider how many words and actions that it normally accompanies. Yet at this point does it really relay emotion? I don't know; nor do I think that I am the one to answer that question.
So next time you think to use this word or even not think and just let it flow; stop and think about what you are really trying to say. Ask yourself if this really is the best way to voice your emotion. Consider if this is the only way that you can get your point across. Look deep inside and find all the other words that you might be able to use that will say the exact same thing but in a better way. If you do all these things and the F-word is still the only word that seems right then maybe you could look over this blog and see that I have expressed my irritation with using that word without it and maybe we can all learn a few new words together.

As I sit her steady doing my job on and off and watching as people all around me are let go; I can't help but wonder: Am I next? This leads me to wonder if job security in this day and age is just a myth. I know that there was once a time that people found a job, not even a career, and they stayed there until the retired or died. Yet now people switch jobs easier and sometimes fast then they switch homes or apartments. And it's not like businesses promote longevity within the workplace. They let people go faster than J.Lo use to get divorced, but the question is why? What happened? Is it just the timeframe that we live in or like everything else going on right now can we lay the blame right at Bush's footsteps? However, there are a few people who have not only found something that they love to do, but have made careers out of jobs that were just supposed to be temporary. Yet are they happy? I myself have switched jobs more than I've switched states and it seems like everyone has more drawbacks then not, but they pay the bills more or less and their generally easy so I stay. But I am always looking just in case. I always tell myself that it is because I'm looking for the great opportunity or the perfect place for me, but the truth is that I am just not sure most times from day to day if I will have someplace to go tomorrow. What does that say about me or about the places that I attract? Because if it were a relationship everyone would be telling me that it was something that I was doing. So what is to be done? I opt for starting my own business and growing it until relying on others with be just a think of the past. But there are others that don't have that option. What do they do? Settle for jumping from job to job; career to career? Maybe they do, but is it far to them?

They say that the journey of a thousand steps begins with just one. But what if you have fallen off the path and can't get back on or even worse can't find the right step to start. I feel lately like I am stuck somewhere in the middle of those two concepts. Like I can see a path that looks like something I use to be on but I can't seem to find the step to get started.
It's like the idea that I have started so many things in my life and now I just feel the confidence lacking to start something else or to even go back to something I have done many times before. So where does that leave me? Sitting at the bottom of the journey watching others race right by or standing still with my eyes closed wishing that someone would come by and push me in the right direction. Either way I'm not moving foward and I'm stuck standing still. Granted it is a stuck of my own doing but never the less it is still a stuck.
I started reading this book today that says that everyone has this one purpose for their life. This one thing that you do better than anyone else. This you-uniquness, I believe the author called it. And as I was reading this book I could feel that negative side that has me stuck saying, "Not you. There is nothing you do better than anyone else in this world. If there was one thing you were suppose to do in your life don't you think you would have found it by now?". All these negative comments were just swimming in my head and at the same time I could feel my heart crying back, "Please let me be wrong. Please let me see that one thing. Please let me find it.". So how do you find your one step when your head and your heart are in disagreement?
This may sound a little conceited but I have always felt like there is something special that I was meant to do. To star or write one of the best plays or movies of your time. To write that one masterpiece of fiction. To capture that perfect moment on film or to as least go down in history as having accomplished something. But I don't feel as though I've done any of those things or that any of them would appeal to me still at this stage in my life. It's funny how time and experience change your perspective on your life. When I was ten I wanted to do everything and thought I would. I remember wanting to live one year in every state in the US then write a book about the people and the culture of each one. I didn't realize I would have to be at least 60 (that is if I started at 10 not 18 or 23 when I finished school) when I wrote my book. No in my head I would be done by like 35 or 40; you know when I was old. But those ages are approaching faster then I like to admit and I'm back where I started and still looking for my journey.
I think the funnest part is that I do still on some level believe that I am destined for something great. Something that I was meant to do and it's like I feel it and I know it but I just can't figure out what it is. I think that is the most fustrating part. To sense it just beyond your reach but not be able to see it. How then are you suppose to take that first step? How do you even know what that first step is?
Maybe I'm over thinking it. Maybe it is just putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to walk until it starts to make sense and you can look both ways and see the place that your headed to and the place that you came from and then as you stand there you can see the journey. Maybe it really is just one step.

I debated writing another political post but after thinking long and hard I felt I owned it to the Republican party to comment. I mean lets face it I have written enough about Obama; McCain should get a little blog time as well.
See as I was watching McCains speech trying my best not to like him I actually found myself feeling for his life. I liked the dedication that he obviously has for his wife and children, the forward thinking of his believe in Sarah Palin as Vice President, and the horror that he suffered years ago while fighting for a country he overwhelming loves. Granted he isn't the speaker that Obama is but he did his best to infuse his speech with all that he was feeling; which I will be honest was a welcome change from the three days of Obama bashing speeches that had preceeded him. He opened his life and I believe his heart for America to see and it was touching.
Yet as I was watching all the commentators at the end pick apart the speech and compare it to Obamas I was reminded of a statement a Republican commentator made about Obama's speech; "It's just one great speech". That is how I felt after McCains.....It's just one great speech. However, as I was thinking back about Obama's speech I started to feel the same about his as well. There all just "one great speech".
The truth is that you can make the best speeches in the world it doesn't mean that wen you get in office you are actually going to do anything different. You can have the best voting record, the most understanding personality, the best relationship with every world leader but you also could cave under all the pressure of being the head honcho. You could have spent years in a small closed in space feeling that you would never get out but it doesn't mean that you have the temperment to govern 50 states and you can say all the right things in all the right ways and still not know anything about what to do when you get in the big chair.
I have enjoyed all the speeches of the last two weeks and I look forward to all the debates and speeches of the next two months but more than anything I look forward to the "change" that whoever gets into office brings. Because in all fairness isn't that all we have heard for eight years in "one great speech" and even those haven't been all that great.